Dinner is ready (2009)
Diana laughed so hard she thought she was going to pee all over her new jeans.
“Oh God!!” She cried, “That’s the stupidest thing anyone has ever said to me in a long, long time”.
Paul would have laughed too. If only he hadn’t just asked Diana to the prom.
“Why is that so funny?” he regretted that question before he asked it.
“Because you’re an ugly idiot!” Diana replied. “I wouldn’t go to the prom with you in a million years”.
Paul was about to say something when he felt her pointy shoe impact his balls with unspeakable force. Paul hit the floor with a thud as Diana emptied her cherry Dr. Pepper on his face and walked away.
The next morning, Paul’s mother went to his school to speak with one of the teachers about his grades, and on her way back home she stopped for groceries.
“Hi there Ms. Foster” the clerk said. “Are you going to make one of those delicious dishes that you’re famous for?”
“You know it” she replied, cheerfully.
When Paul arrived from school, he heard the voice of his mother.
“Paulie, is that you?” she asked. “Dinner is ready”.
When Paul entered the kitchen, he almost fell down.
There on the breakfast table was Diana tied to a plate; completely naked and with a big, red apple in her mouth. The garnishes around her were almost as nice as her perky, white wine-marinated ass.
Standing beside her was Paul’s mother, busy looking for the lemonade.
“Are you hungry yet?” she asked, lovingly. “I made your favorite”.
Diana struggled to spit the apple and free herself when Paul’s mom grabbed a large kitchen knife and cracked her skull wide open.
That night, as Paul was nibbling on some leftovers from Diana’s thigh, he wondered who to ask to that damn prom.