Nonsense in English
Once upon a time, I was sitting below this huge tree, one of those really old ones, you know? And as I was fearing that an apple could fall on my head, I heard this voice, it was whispering: “come to me, come to the depths of my knowledge”
I couldn’t figure out where this voice came from, I just knew I had to obey it, so I stood up and vomited all over my clothes.
This tiny dwarf was among the vomit, staring at me with a blank stare, his dwarfy clothes all smeared with the half digested lasagna that I had had for breakfast that morning.
“I’ll show you the way my son”, he said, through the vomit.
I immediately began to shrink, so fast that I felt dizzy, wanting to throw up again, and so when I became the dwarfs’ size, I vomited again, but this time I vomited a copy of myself, which started to speak to me.
He said: “times have come and gone, but only truth remains”.
And then he ate the dwarf.
Once upon a time there was a girl
This girl was very fat
So fat that one day she exploded
And every piece of her landed on several burgers
And the people who ate those burgers became very fat
They exploded too
And every piece of them landed on several hot dogs
And the people who ate those hot dogs became very fat
They exploded too
And every piece of them landed on several toilets
John Johnson was a sad, pathetic little man. He lived a normal life, for a while, until he started to realize that he was getting weaker day by day. He tried with all his might to move the furniture around his house, even simpler things such as lifting a milk carton off the table, but soon it was clear; he was turning into a real wimp and he couldn’t do nothing about it. As the days passed, he got weaker and weaker, until the day came when he couldn’t lift a spoon to eat his food.
So one day, he finally died.
John was now in spirit form, and he immediately started rising above this earth and moments later, he was at the gates of heaven.
“Hello, dear son” Saint Peter said to him.
“Hi there Saint Pete” Replied John, immediately worrying that “Pete” might be too familiar a word to use with a two-thousand year old Saint.
“I’ve seen your life John. You have nothing to worry about anymore”
“Thanks Saint Pete” said John. “Now what?”
Saint Peter smiled. “You can come in now Johnny”
And he disappeared.
John was left there all alone and without hesitation, he pushed the gates of heaven.
But they were too heavy.